Just a little update:

Daniel is growing like a weed. I feel he is struggling with being a "big" boy and is wanting to hold on to his little boyness for as long as he can. He still loves to have me put on his shoes and socks and help him get dressed or put his blanket like a "square" (he is ocd about how his blanket needs to be lined up with his bed at night), all are things he is perfectly capable of doing on his own. He has asked me if I will still love him when the new baby comes. I said of course I will. He has a tender heart and his new favorite book is I'll Love you Forever I think it's because he

wants to know that is us. He is running and jumping and kicking and being a boy. He is perfectly healthy (thankfully) and hitting all his mile stones. We had a yearly check up and he is 41 lbs which is 75th percentile and 42 inches tall which puts him in the 90th percentile, his eyesight is great and so is his hearing. He is FULL of questions. I really get frustrated with the amount of questions he asks daily, hourly by the minute. I realize he is curious and wants to know so much but its hard to constantly answer a chain of 50 questions knowing full well that whatever answer I give will lead to another question. He is getting better with playing pretend and entertaining himself. I love the games he comes up with or the objects that turn into talking things that he can have conversations with. He has a great imagination. I love him so much!

Maggie is also growing so fast. She is 34 inches and 27 lbs both 75th percentile. She too is healthy and hitting her milestones. Just recently I've noticed that she has really caught on to talking. She's using sentences like "I want water" or "I want to see". My current favorite is "I don't know" with a very cute shoulder shrug. She loves candy. If she could that is all she would eat. Poptarts, m&m's, chocolate, jellybeans, gum, cookies the list goes on and on. She is all girl. She has a new pair of sunglasses that she loves to wear in the car, and she loves LOVES shoes. Any and all. She got a pair of rain boots for Easter and the girl has not gone a day without wearing them. Monday morning the first thing she said was "A boots". She insisted on wearing them to church and not her cute new sandals. They are a little too big but she will grow into them. She is the opposite of Daniel and is very independent almost to much so. She loves to do things on her own and often throws a tantrum if I do it for her before she has tried. Tantrums are a new added joy also. Man can that girl go from perfectly happy to full on screaming fit on the floor fast. She of course has that high pitched lovely scream that adds extra volume to our home. She is a little sassy and if she doesn't like something she lets you know with a high pitched "No!" Time out hasn't been the most effective form of punishment but I'm trying. She melts my heart. David says that she's got me wrapped around her little finger and it's true. I hate it when she is sad and crying. She is my shadow. She is always following me and watching me. If I shower she needs to shower, if I put on deodorant she needs it, if I brush my teeth she asks for her toothbrush. Tonight I put on a sweater and she scrunched up her shoulders and said "Brr, a jacket mom?" So we went to her closet and got her a sweater too. She really is such a sweet little girl. I love her.

Maggie and Daniel play so well together. No they are not perfect. She hits him and yells at him and he pushes her over and teases her endlessly. When it really comes down to it I have no doubt that they love each other. He is so sweet to her and she is so sweet back. They love helping each other out. Maggie always asks for a snack for Daniel if I give her one. Daniel helps her all the time. I'm so interested to see how this third little baby will add and change our family. I hope that he will always feel as loved and feel like his siblings love him and are his best friends.

As for me I've got 23 more days before this little baby joins our family. I feel like he is so much more active then my last two babies which kind of scares me. I keep thinking about all I have/want to do before he comes and I know that the really important stuff will get done and everything else won't.

I have a lot of anxiety lately. I can't sleep at night unless I'm heavily drugged. I think this transition is going to be hard for all of us for different reasons. For me its 3 kids, the thought of loading 3 kids into my car and totting them around where ever I go stresses me out. The thought of taking care of the there daily needs and wants is even more stressful. The added laundry. The sleep deprivation. Living so very far away from my family who has always been my support and help.

The one thing that brings me great comfort and joy, is I will have a new little spirit in my home. One sent straight to me from my Father in Heaven. One to cuddle and squeeze and nurse and have all to myself (and the other 3 people in our family) A new person full of endless potential and surprises.

I've haven't been myself for most of this pregnancy, I've been so unbalanced. I feel so different, more angry and tired and short tempered, so quick to yell and then cry, I'm just not myself. It's so hard to enjoy my kids when I feel this way. I'm trying to be positive. I'm trying to focus on my strengths and talents and not compare myself to others, and really focus on what I am good at. I'm trying to let the small stuff go and focus on what really matters my family. I'm trying to be more faithful to trust in my Heavenly Father and know that he knows what I am going through and truly loves me. I just want to be happy and I hope and pray that when this baby is born my hormones will go back to normal and I will feel like Emily again. Only time will tell. I know there is plenty of room for improvement but maybe right now is a bad time to try that. Maybe right now I just need to be ok with who I am and realize that things will get better and will get easier.

Sorry this post was just supposed to be a little update and ended up being a Journal entry. I just needed to get my feelings out.