Blue

I'm feeling it this week. I don't know if its the ridiculous heat and inability to go outside for more than 5 seconds without sweating or if I'm just being lame but I miss Utah. I miss living around the corner from my parents house and being able to stop by whenever I needed/wanted to. I miss my mom stopping by on her way to/from where ever for no particular reason. I miss cool nights in the mountains camping with my close friends and family. I miss Winger Wings and Cafe Rio pulled pork salads and burritos smothered in that green goodness. I miss real grass. I miss my mother in-laws house and her garden and the wonderful free produce it supplied me each fall. I miss the mountains protecting me from the rest of the world. I miss being so close to the temple. I miss family.
Its so funny, all my married life I've wanted a fun group of friends that I can go hang out with and now I have it but I had to give up the one thing that I always had, my family. Growing up my family moved a lot. My dad liked change and we learned to live with it. No matter where we went though I always had my best friends right there with me. I believe that my sisters and I have a very unique relationship because we had to rely on each other. We were each others best friends. Now for the first time in my life I've moved away without them. They aren't here with me and it hurts my heart. It hurts so bad. I also miss my mom. She is such an amazing person and I love her. I'm not good at expressing my feelings and since I've been married I think we've grown apart but she was always my confidant. I could tell her anything and she would listen. She taught me so much i really admire her and all she has done in life.
I know that I'm where I'm supposed to be. I know that this is right but sometimes it is so hard.